Ready or Not......

Nick and I went to childbirth class this weekend.  Like literally allllllllll weekend. It was kinda interesting because it was really the first time Nick had learned about some of the child birth material.  You know me, I like to research everything like crazy.  Now that class is over, I'm pretty sure if it was graded, Nick and I would have gotten a C.  We definitely did not take it seriously.  

On the first day, we took a break and Nick went to the vending machine.

It was all healthy crap like kashi bars and diet soda.  He was super ticked, definitely not anything for him to eat.

The instructor made us practice a lot of breathing techniques and do some "visualizations" to relax.  This was us:

 Sorry but I just can sit on the floor in front of a bunch of strangers and think about, "a beautiful flower opening" or "a warm sea breeze" without cracking up.  Do these people really think they are going to be laying in a hospital bed, in the middle of a contraction thinking about kittens and sunshine?
Another part of the class was learning different positions for getting through labor and contractions:

At one point the instructor had cards with a bunch of labor positions on them and said, "OK dads, please come pick a position and mom will have to do it for you."

Ha!!!!!!!  Isn't that how we got into this situation in the first place? Clearly, we were not the most mature couple there. 
We were each asked the first word to come to mind when we thought of labor.  My word....terrifying.  Everyone laughed at me.  By the end of the first day, several people changed their words from exciting, anticipating, etc. to join me on the terrified side.  Ha! and they had the nerve to laugh at me.  I told ya so....


There were also lots of birthing videos we watched.  I thought that would gross Nick out the most.  He was perfectly ok until the instructor talked about this:

The epidural.  He was completely grossed out by it!  Really? He just saw a video of an actual birth, and the epidural bothers him?

Speaking of pain medication, the instructor put up a line and had us rate how comfortable we feel like receiving some sort of pain relief.  1 was "I want absolutely nothing, completely natural" 10 was "definitely, give it to me in the parking lot"  Here was my response:

I don't do pain well at all. I barely make it through a headache.  By the way, everyone else was between a 3-7. Well at least I'm not wishy washy....

I was pretty comfortable during the class, and didn't get totally grossed out or emotional.  Really proud of myself for how far I've come in realizing I really have to give birth to this kid.  Then the tour happened......

They took us on a tour of the maternity ward and showed us where we would go and what we would do there.  Then the jokes stopped.  I got really quiet.  Saw this:

Clammy hands, gulp, shortness of breath, gulp. Is it getting hot in here?

I totally freaked!!!!!  I don't do hospitals.  I pictured myself in the bed with the gown on and thought:

Let's go back 7 months and rethink this having a kid thing.  Now remember, I just watched several videos of live births, unedited!  That wasn't a problem.  But put me in a room with beds and monitors and more importantly  THE SMELL!!!!!

I really can't handle the hospital smell.  I've been home for 3 hours and I can still smell it.  I think it's in my hair! I had to get out of there. I got to the parking lot and my eyes welled up.  I can't do this.....

Like it or not, this baby is coming.  Guess I better get prepared.  Add hospital scented candle to my Christmas list so I can slowly prepare myself for the smell.